I want to run, I want to hide
I want to tear down the walls that hold me inside I wanna reach out and touch the flame
Where the streets have no name
But It's never easy, is it?
I never thought I will be opening this chapter of my life again. It was buried deep in my memory, but these lines brought them back. Now all I can do is smell the strange aura of grief and ambivalence around me.
There comes a time in life when one wants to hide from others, run away from the world, scream out loud, but at the same time be silent and live in silence. But what if all of this happens because of one incident, an incident capable of shaking you up. Life goes on but everything else has stopped, like a flower which has been plucked but is still alive. Fear overcomes all your emotions.
It was just another busy afternoon during my 10th board exams. A book in hand, I was so deeply engrossed that I couldn't hear a thing.
You need to... you need to come with me to the station or else, or else he'll kill himself…
Who is going to kill himself mumma, I don’t understand.
I froze. I didn't know what was happening. All I knew was that I needed to be with my dad. We searched for him at the station, but couldn’t find him. With every passing minute, my heart beat increased. What if he has already left us? Forever? Is he really never going to come back? I searched on all platforms, sobbed, prayed to god when suddenly, I saw a train coming. And my father was standing right in front of it. I shouted out his name, and people noticed him. Just as I was about to see my father dying in front of my eyes, someone jumped and took him off the tracks. He was saved.
That moment I realized that there is nothing scarier than loosing your loved ones right before your eyes. The relaxation that I could feel after he was saved is indescribable. I realized that like the seasons of nature which wait for none, time too flows at its own pace. Nothing remains forever, destruction takes place and then new life begins.
My family's new life also began after that. I never really got to know what pushed my father to take such a drastic step. My mother said they had got into a huge fight, but I know that's a lie. I know a fight won't make my father attempt suicide, or make him act the way he did after this incident. I wondered why he wanted to quit and that is because I knew Just like death, quitting has no explanation, no aftermath, once you quit, there’s no coming back.
But after the incident, he was a changed man. After that incident there were days he would act out, get extremely angry at times, or cry for long hours. I still don't know why he used to act like that, my mother won't tell me, but I didn't give up on him. It took many struggles and sacrifices to make my family, " the happy family" again. But those struggles were worth it and I know that because right now I am sitting here, in Mumbai, far away from my parents not bothering myself with the reason of why what happened really happened anymore. Everything is perfect for now, my father, my family and our happiness, everything.
And finally, here I am trying to end my little chapter with a perfect ending so I can begin with a new one. All I can say is, don’t feel bad if something goes wrong today, for tomorrow will be a brighter day because, ‘ a split second can make a difference’.