MINI NOTES TO SELF
When I was in class 12th, I read a story about a man, who had a near death experience in deep waters. That story always stuck with me somehow. Probably because of how relatable it was. No, I haven't experienced an incident like this the way the author did. But I could definitely understand his feelings of being trapped under water, and not being able to resurface. The struggle that he described felt personal. It's like I could feel the same emotions as him. But why? I wasn't drowning, was I?
Maybe I was. Maybe I was drowning in my thoughts, struggling to resurface and snap back to reality. Maybe that's why I felt so vulnerable after reading the story. Perhaps it was my fear of being abandoned and left in solitude, that made me feel those emotions so closely.
That was six years ago. Those surreal feelings faded with time and I forgot about them. Until an invisible pandemic hit the world. Trapped within the walls of my home, I started to feel suffocated again. All those thoughts which I had brushed under the carpet, came back up again. That fear of being left alone, was staring right back at me from the darkest realms of reality. I looked around and saw nothing but silence. The streets were empty, markets were empty, schools and bustling offices were empty. The only place which wasn't blank, was my mind. All sorts of thoughts were swirling like a whirlpool, and I felt as if I was drowning again. Unlike last time, there was no one to help me get out of it. Almost everyone was suffering mentally. Isolation was now the new norm. I searched for light in this deep tunnel of despair, to save myself, and others. After forty days of suffering, I finally found that light.
You see, that light was a ray of hope. From the deep waters, I had to swim my way up enough to see the sun from the surface of water. That didn't mean the end was near. No. The world was still healing. We were still under lockdown. But now, at least I could see hope. I accepted the fact that we're just halfway there, and need to be strong enough to survive. I'm still underwater, but for now, I'm not drowning. I'm floating in peace, just like others, who seem to have come full circle in this cycle of acceptance.
If you are feeling the same, here's a tip for you – try not to rush fate. The more you swim harder to stop yourself from drowning, the faster you'll lose your energy. Conserve that energy. Channel it into something else. Take in that single ray of hope, that's penetrating through the grim reality to bring light into your life. Lastly, remember that you're not alone in this. Your journey is intertwined with others. Accept the reality, and as Dory once said – Keep swimming.